RC 1

12/13/2016

Mr. M

12/15/2016 01:25:00 am

You need at least a three second clip BEFORE your opening sound bite begins. This starts right in part of her words and it's jarring. Put in a short nat sound sequence to begin and then let her begin her sound bite. Your piece needs to breathe more and what I mean by that is that your clips run right up against each other, so much so that it almost seems as if one person is finishing up what the person before her said, like the sound bite was coming from the same person. Space out the sound bites a bit and let your story breathe. This a story about a calm, beautiful place and you're editing it like it's a music video or a 60 second news piece for Hawaii News Now. You have lots of room to play with so go back and see what you can do to open this up more. You have some beautiful shots here and your interviews are solid. Some of your b-roll of the fruit moves a little. I'm not thrilled about that. It's a minor thing but see if you can fix that. The opening sound bite also needs work. The way it sounds it seems like something is missing, either before or after what you've included in here. Kate does a pretty good job as the reporter. I like the history of the foundation. I find it appalling that Kamehameha Schools wanted to turn that amazing piece of property into a hotel and golf course! How could they!

Quarter Two

RC 1

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